While he was sitting on the judgment seat, his wife sent to him, saying, “Have nothing to do with that just Man, for I have suffered many things today in a dream because of Him.” (Matthew 27:19)
And here we have the sixth and final dream in the Gospel of Matthew where we find Pilate, whose name means close pressed, is being approached by his wife who is appealing to him with her affections, asking him not to be part of the persecution and condemnation of Jesus. She explains that she has had an experience of this man through a dream, and that it brought up feelings of suffering or struggle. In fact, the root word in the Greek that is used here is pas’-kho’which means to experience a sensation of impression – to feel passion, suffer or vex. So essentially, this is another warning which serves as an instruction about the direction in which the state of things should move. And because that which is close pressed, Pilate is sitting up on a judgment seat, which can also be translated as an elevated public place or throne, it is in a position from which it can see that which is lower. This dream is different from the others in Matthew, because the one receiving the instruction is not the one sleeping and dreaming and is instead offered the instruction from the dream of another. This seems to reflect a state in which there is an increased wakefulness or consciousness, and an increased ability to be able to observe the instruction with less reference to self, because Pilate, as the one who is active in the state, is sitting and seeing from a higher place. A higher place spiritually speaking, is one in which the Word is ruling over what is lower in the mind. We know of course, that even though Pilate is able to acknowledge Jesus, he is unable to go against the pressings of the crowd and washes his hands to let them decide His fate.
So, we can see in this gradual, gentle progression over the six dreams in Matthew, a state of the self that is waking up and becoming more conscious of the Word in its life, and thus also becoming more able to discern and make distinctions between what is flowing into its landscape. But we also see just how great this struggle is; because with this increased ability to observe the quality of things also comes the need for separation from that which is not conducive to the Lord’s love and use in His purpose for us. In these separations we are slowly but surely being asked to give up the old ways and modes of thinking about life, and all that this entails, and to instead submit to the life the Lord is offering us.
Swedenborg himself documented his awakening process as he engaged with the Word. What starts out as a travel diary in 1743, documenting his visit to various places in Europe, suddenly changes into a journal of awakening experiences and dreams. He kept this journal during the years of 1743-1744, around the same time that he was exploring the life of the spirit through the many knowledges in which his life was immersed – the world of science and philosophy. We can see him attempting to make connections between the life of the spirit and the world in the two works: ‘The Soul or Rational Psychology’ (1742) and ‘The Animal Kingdom’ (1744-1745). But slowly he was being moved away from the world of science and philosophy towards a more theological and heart-based exploration of his affections and an understanding of the Divine, which was being opened up through the text of Sacred Scriptures. We can see this illustrated in his play titled The Worship and Love of God (1745) which he began but never finished. He turned back instead to a detailed look at the Text Itself, of which he made three attempts of working with the early parts of the Bible – The History Creation (1745), Adversaria(The Word Explained (1745-47) and Fragments on Genesis and Exodus (1747). In The History Creation(9) he says of The Worship and Love of God:
That work, however, was written under the leadership of the understanding, or according to the thread of reason. As human intelligence, however, cannot be trusted in any respect, unless it is inspired by God, therefore it becomes necessary in the interest of truth to compare what has been laid down in the above- named work with the revelation in the sacred Volume and in the present case with the history of creation revealed by God to Moses, and thus to examine carefully how far they agree: for whatever does not harmonise thoroughly with revelation, must be declared to be altogether false, or the insane product of our rational mind. With this end in view, I have deemed it well to premise a very brief commentary on the first chapters of Genesis.
He finally started writing Arcana Coelestia in 1748, which marks the beginning of what we now refer to as the the doctrines for Spiritual Christianity in 1749.
If we look at this early awakening period in his life and the content he was producing, we can see two movements. One from a focus on learning and writing about things of the world to learning and writing about things of the spirit. And then also in parallel, a shift from the focus of his personal feelings and what he was going through and trying to make sense of, to eventually coming to write about them more as an objective observer. The states of struggle and delight in them are still the same, but his focus shifts from concentrating on what it means for him personally, to what it says about his own universal experiences, which can speak to any reader who is going through the same processes. So, there is a transition from the focus on his own spiritual observations for the sake of his own inner work, to the observations being for the sake of what it might offer others about their process.
As with any experience, a spiritual awakening is unique to each of us in terms of the details and conditions that are specific to our day-to-day life, relationships, and to our personal identification with what and who we are; but the process is universal in terms of the shifts of consciousness each is moved through and into. In this module we are going to look at Swedenborg’s experiences of awakening as a three-stage process, as a process that can inform us about the universal struggles, delights, and shifts in our sense of self and its relationship to the Word as we become conscious to It being the manifestation of the Lord in our life.
Stage 1: The Shock of Duality
The first beginnings of a spiritual awakening can be a shock to the system, to the system that has been sustaining us for so long. An experience of having our eyes opened translates psychologically to having our understanding opened into seeing things that haven’t been seen before -and that we weren’t able to see before. This, of course leads to a state of disparity between what was before and what is after. There is now an alternative way of seeing or rather understanding, and these noticeable contrasts are often experienced as:
- Before and after
- Old and new
- What was in darkness and now light
- Being asleep and now awake
- What is outside and within
This last one interestingly is what arises from the other dualities. The old ways of seeing things may be experienced more like something that feels outside of our self now, like we are watching and observing the old ideas and the self that related to them. In contrast, the new ideas feel like they are coming from within, and speaking more interiorly to where things are connecting deeply, closer to the heart of things, with more meaning and resonance to the essence of our soul or spirit. Here are some examples of dreams and visions that Swedenborg recorded early on in his spiritual awakening when his sense of reality is starting to warp, and where he is starting to feel dissociated with his reality and the established way of being.
In the evening I came into another kind of temptation. Between eight and nine o’clock in the evening, while I was reading God’s miracles wrought through Moses, it seemed to me as if something of my own understanding was mixed up with it, so that I was not able to have so strong a faith as I ought. I believed, and yet did not believe. … I looked upon the fire, and said to myself, “In this case neither ought I to believe that the fire is, since the external senses are more fallacious than what God says, which is the Truth itself; I ought rather to believe this than myself.” With these and other similar thoughts I passed an hour, or an hour and a half, and in my mind was engaged with the Tempter. (Taken from ‘Documents Concerning the Life and Character of Emanuel Swedenborg’, collected, translated, and annotated by Tafel, Rudolf Leonhard. Document 209:26.)
What also commonly arises in the duality of seeing, is an experience of seeing two sets of thoughts, each vying for the central place in the mind.
It was wonderful that I could have at one and the same time two thoughts, which were quite distinct: one for myself who was occupied entirely by different thoughts, and at the same time the thoughts of the temptation, in such wise that nothing was able to drive them away. This kept me in such a state of captivity that I was at a loss whither to fly, for I carried them with me. (Document 209:37)
I was continually in a state of combat between thoughts which were antagonistic to one another. I pray Thee, O Almighty God, that Thou wouldst grant me the grace of being Thine and not mine. Pardon my saying that I am Thine and not mine; it is God’s and not my privilege to say so. I pray for the grace of being Thine, and of not being left to myself. (Document 209:70)
During the whole day I was in conflicting thought, which tried to destroy that which was of the Spirit by abusive language. I found therefore that the temptation was very strong. (Document 209:73)
April 24-25th, During the whole night, for about eleven hours, I lay in a strange trance; I know not whether I was asleep or awake. I knew all that I dreamt, but my thoughts were kept bound, which at times produced perspiration. I cannot describe the nature of the sleep, during which my double [conflicting] thoughts were as it were severed, or rent apart. (Document 209:116)
The conflict in this duality of thoughts can lead to feeling like we are being split in two. And indeed, while all this is going on internally, it is also common to start feeling distance, separation and disconnect with our normal or usual relationship to life and with other people.
All the while I was in society constantly as before, and no one could observe the least change in me; this was of God’s grace …. I was not allowed to mention the large measure of grace which had fallen to my lot; for I perceived that on the one hand it could serve no other purpose than to set people thinking about me either favourably or unfavourably, according to their disposition towards me; and, on the other hand, it would not be productive of any use, if the glorification of God’s grace served to encourage my own self-love. (Document 209:46)
He used, at first, freely to speak of his visions and spiritual explications of the Scriptures; but as this displeased the clergy, who proclaimed him a heretic and madman, he resolved to be less communicative of his knowledge in company, or, at least, more cautious, lest the censorious should have room to blame what they could not comprehend like himself. (Document 10: Anecdotes on Swedenborg collected by Mr. Robsahm)
The internal state of delight, however, continued so strong in the mornings, evenings, and during the day, especially when I was by myself alone, without company, that it may be compared to heavenly joy on earth. In this state I hope to continue, so long as by our Lord’s grace alone I walk in pure paths and have right intentions; for as soon as I turn aside, and try to find my joy in worldly things, this state of delight ceases. (Document 209:141)
I found that I was more unworthy than others and the greatest sinner, for this reason, that our Lord has granted me to penetrate by thought into certain things more deeply than many others; and the very source of sin lies in the thoughts I am carrying out; so that my sins have on that account a deeper foundation than those of many others; and in this found my unworthiness and my sins greater than those of other men. (Document 209:41)
As things are destabilised in our belief structures, concepts, and relationship with the Lord and with others, experiences of doubt and questioning start to present, as do fear, anxiety or even depression.
April 5-6th. Easter was on the 5th of April, when I went to the Lord’s table. Temptation still continued, mostly in the afternoon till six o’clock: but it assumed no definite form. It was an anxiety felt at being condemned and in hell; but in this feeling the hope given by the Holy Spirit, according to Paul’s epistle to the Romans v, 5, remained strong. 1. Romans 5:5 “And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Spirit which is given to us.” 2. The Evil One had power given to him to disturb my inmost mind by various thoughts. On Easter day after the Holy Supper, I was inwardly glad, although outwardly sad. The temptation came on in the afternoon, in an entirely different manner, but strongly; for I was assured that my sins were forgiven, and still I could not govern my fugitive thoughts so as to restrain some expressions opposed to my better understanding; I was, by permission, under the influence of the Evil One. The temptation was assuaged by prayer and God’s Word; faith was there in its entirety, but confidence and love seemed to be gone. (Document 209:19)
I am still weary in my body and mind; for I know nothing except my own unworthiness, and am in pain on account of being a wretched creature. I see by this knowledge that I am unworthy of the grace I have received. (Document 209:60)
I learned that a person may be in spiritual anguish; even though he be assured by the Spirit that his sins are forgiven, and although he have the hope and confidence that he is in God’s grace. (Document 209:62)
I was this day at intervals in interior anxiety, and at times in a state of despair; still I was assured of the forgiveness of my sins. In consequence of this a cold sweat sometimes broke out on me until 10 o’clock, when with God’s help I fell asleep. A voice then seemed to say to me that some command would be given me from within. I slept for an hour and a half; although in the night I had slept for more than ten hours. With God’s grace I had a preternatural sleep; and this has been the case now for an entire half year. (Document 209:91)
Sleep disturbance and an explosion of dreams are also a common experience when the spiritual mind starts to awaken, where those who have rarely dreamed before find that now they are, and those who have previously dreamed find that they are remembering even more than ever before. The dreams often have a sense of instruction in them, yet at other times are felt to be inexpressible in words but grounding a sense of reassurance and resonance with what is being experienced in waking life, in their conscious work with the new ideas that they are taking in.
A young woman dressed in black then came in and said that I had to go to .Whereupon she came behind me holding me so firmly along the whole back with her hands, that I could not move. I prayed someone standing by to help me, when he got her away ; but I had no power to move my arm myself. This had reference to the temptation on the previous day, and to my inability to do any good from myself. (Document 209:49)
April 11-12th. I dreamt during the whole night, yet I recollect only very little. It seemed to me as if I were instructed the whole night in many things which I do not remember. (Document 209:63)
About day-break I fell asleep again, and then had continually in my thought, how Christ conjoins Himself to mankind; holy thoughts came, but they were of such a nature as to be unfathomable; for I cannot express with my pen the least part of those things which happened. I only know that I have had such thoughts. (Document 209:28)
Afterwards I awoke and slept again many times; and all I dreamt was in answer to my thoughts ; yet so, that in everything there was such life and glory, that I can give no description of it; for it was all heavenly; clear to me at the time, but afterwards inexpressible. In short, I was in heaven, and heard a language, which no human tongue can utter with its inherent life, nor the glory and inmost delight resulting from it. (Document 209:21)
It is in the Lord’s mercy that whilst all of this unraveling of the self is going on, it is of course also accompanied by states of delight and wonderment in the profound and new ideas from the Word, which are in fact the catalyst for all of the disruption.
I experienced so much of the Lord’s grace, when I resolved to keep my thoughts in a state of purity, as to feel an inmost joy; still this was accompanied by pain of body, which could not bear the heavenly joy of my soul, wherefore I commended myself most humbly to God’s grace, that He would do with me according to His good pleasure. May God grant me humility to see my frailty, impurity, and unworthiness. (Document 209:46)
I had a preternaturally good and long sleep for twelve hours. On awaking I had the crucifixion of Jesus and His cross before my eyes. The Spirit came with its heavenly and almost ecstatic life in so high a degree, and permitted me, as it were, to rise higher and higher in it, that if I had ascended still higher, I should have been dissolved in this real life of joy. (Document 209:78)
This night I slept very tranquilly. At three or four o’clock I awoke and lay awake, but in a kind of vision. I could look up and be observant whenever I chose, so that I was not otherwise than awake, and yet in the spirit there was an inward gladness which diffused itself over the whole body. All seemed in a wonderful and transcendent manner to approach and conspire ; to rise up as it were and nestle in infinitude as a centre, where Love itself was; thence it seemed to extend itself around and thus down again. In this manner it moved in an incomprehensible circle [spire?] whose centre was Love, around and thus hither again; that Love moved towards and into a mortal body, so that I became filled with it. I likened that inward feeling of gladness to what is felt by a chaste husband who is in an actual state of love, and enjoys its supreme delight with his spouse. Such a supreme feeling of bliss was shed over my whole body, and indeed, for a long time, even during the whole time before I fell asleep, and after I awoke for a half, nay for a whole hour. Now, when I was in the spirit and yet awake — for I could lift up my eyes and be awake — and when I came into the same state again, I saw and perceived that that supreme Love was the source of that inmost and real feeling of gladness; and that in proportion as I could be in that Love, in the same proportion I was in a state of bliss ; but as soon as I came into another love which did not centre in it, I was beyond its influence. When there was thus an affection for self, or some other affection, which did not centre in that supreme Love, I was no longer in that state of gladness; a slight chill crept over me, I shivered and felt a pain, whence I found that that was the source of my pains sometimes, and also of that great pain and sorrow when the spirit is troubled. (Document 209:5)
And so, we leave this first stage of dishevelment and unwrapping of the self as we are led into the inevitable need to examine the quality of all that is arising more deeply. Indeed, it is as if we are almost left with no choice because once awakened…. there is no going back. We cannot ‘unsee’ things once they have been shown. So, it is with a mixture of motives that we are urged forward into the second stage: with a sense of self-preservation in the desire to have what is in conflict resolved, and with the affection of delight and gratitude, inspired by the increasing depth and connection with the Lord.
This have I learned, that the only thing in this state — and I do not know any other — is, in all humility to thank God for His grace, and to pray for it, and to recognise our own unworthiness, and God’s infinite grace. (Document 209:36)
October 3rd-6th. I have noticed several times that there are various kinds of spirits. The one spirit, which is that of Christ, is the only one that has all blessedness with it; by other spirits man is enticed a thousand ways to follow them; but woe to those who do so. Another time Korah and Dathan occurred to me, who brought strange fire to the altar, and could not offer it; such is the case when a different fire is introduced than that which comes from Christ. I saw also something like a fire coming to me. It is necessary therefore that a distinction should be made between spirits; which, however, cannot be done except through Christ Himself and His spirit. (Document 209:179)
Summary of Experiences in Stage One -The Shock of Duality
- The old thinking contrasted with the new gives rise to the experience of what is outside the self and what is more interior
- Two sets of thinking now in competition
- Feeling split in two
- Disturbances in relationships and how in we relate to life
- Doubt, fear, anxiety and depression
- Sleep disturbances and increase in dream activity
- Delight and wonderment of the insights and profound ideas that the Text is offering, and the deeper connections experienced with the Lord in this.
- All leading to an increasing awareness that the quality of what is arising needs further examination – for the sake of desiring to have things resolved and also with gratitude of what has already been offered.
Questions for Reflection
- Which one of these can you relate to in your own experiences? (it might be anywhere from one to all).
- Spend some time exploring each of these that you have identified.
- Write down and explain why it resonates and what the experience was like for you?
- Where are you now with it? What is your thinking around it, and how do you make sense of it? What has been helpful to support you in doing this?
- What questions are you still left with?
- What do you feel the need to examine deeper or keep working with?
- What ideas will you take away from this stage to ponder on?
Support In Your Work
This type of inner reflective work can give rise to states of resistance or conflict, as well as opening up many questions. If you would like to talk with someone to explore this more, then you can Contact Us..
Further Reading and Exploration
The like is signified by the Lord’s calming the wind and the waves of the sea, as described in the Gospels: When Jesus had entered into a boat His disciples followed Him. And behold, there arose a great commotion in the sea, so that the boat was covered by the waves; but He was asleep. Therefore the disciples, coming to Him awoke Him, saying, Lord, save us; we perish. Then He arose and rebuked the wind; and there was a great calm (Matthew 8:23-26; Mark 4:36-40; Luke 8:23, 24). This represented the state of men of the church when they are in what is natural and not yet in what is spiritual, in which state the natural affections, which are various cupidities springing from the loves of self and the world, rise up and produce various commotions of the mind. In this state the Lord appears as it were absent; this apparent absence is signified by His being asleep; but when they come out of a natural into a spiritual state these commotions cease, and there comes tranquillity of mind; for the Lord calms the tempestuous commotions of the natural man when the spiritual mind is opened, and through it the Lord flows into the natural. Since the affections that are of the love of self and of the world, and the consequent thoughts and reasonings, are from hell, for they are lusts of every kind that rise up therefrom into the natural man, these, too, are signified by “the wind and the waves of the sea,” and hell itself is signified by the “sea” in the spiritual sense. (Apocalypse Explained 514{22})
So far as man is regenerated sins are removed, because regeneration is the restraining of the flesh that it may not rule, and the subjugating of the old man with its lusts, that it may not rise up and destroy the intellectual faculty, for that would render man incapable of reformation, reformation being impossible unless man’s spirit, which is above the flesh, is instructed and perfected. Who, if he still retains a sound understanding, can fail to see from all this that such a work cannot be effected in a moment but only gradually, just as man is conceived, carried in the womb, born, and educated, according to what has been shown above? For those things which pertain to the flesh or the old man are inherent in man from his birth, and build the first habitation of his mind, in which lusts have their abode like wild beasts in their caves, dwelling first in the outer courts, then by turns entering into the underground rooms, as it were, of the house, and finally ascending by steps and forming for themselves chambers. This takes place gradually, as an infant grows, becomes a boy, afterwards a youth, and then begins to think from his own understanding, and to act from his own will. Who cannot see that this house in the mind thus far built in which lusts dance with joined hands, like the ochim, tziim and satyrs, cannot be destroyed in a moment and a new house built in its place? Must not those lusts with clasped hands and so sporting themselves be first removed, and new desires, which belong to good and truth, be introduced in the place of the cupidities which belong to evil and falsity? That these things cannot be done in a moment every wise man sees from this alone, that every evil is composed of innumerable lusts, and is like a fruit which beneath the surface is full of worms with white bodies and black heads; also, that evils are numerous and joined together like the progeny of a spider when first hatched; wherefore unless one evil is brought out after another, and this until their connection is broken up, man cannot be made new. These things have been cited to make clear that so far as anyone is regenerated sins are removed. (True Christian Religion 611{10}).